How to Help Kids Process Violence, Trauma, and Race
/We are shocked and humbled by all that we have seen and heard this year. 2020 will certainly go down in our memory as a year like no other before. With so many important events taking place around us it can be hard to put into words the impact that these global events have had on us and our kids, from the COVID pandemic to the troubling events of recent days that have reminded all of us of the importance of tolerance, acceptance and more. We want to stress that Ross Valley Nursery School continues to be a safe place for all students and families. Our community is a safe place to have an open and ongoing dialogue and sharing of information and resources. Making sense of all the news is hard enough for us as parents, but we must also look to the future for our children and think of their growth and understanding as well.
We had the opportunity recently to listen in to a live webinar hosted by Common Sense Media featuring child development, children's health, and trauma-care experts who talked about ways families can support their children, one another, and a just future. We have incorporated some main takeaways from the call below and we have added some additional resources below to consider. You can view a recording of the entire call ‘Helping Kids Process Violence, Trauma, and Race in a World of Nonstop News’ on their YouTube channel.
Children aren’t born with any awareness of race. Around 3 years old children begin to notice differences of all kinds. Educational psychologist Reena B. Patel recently shared with Pure Wow, “They begin to notice racial differences between the ages of 3 and 5, [theirs is] an innocent curiosity that isn’t yet linked to any positive or negative qualities about different groups of people.” This is of particular interest to our preschool families, as studies have shown children develop bias by Kindergarten. “What starts to shift is that positive and negative qualities do come into the picture through their parents, significant others, and media,” Patel added.
Children begin to notice that people are sometimes treated differently. One of the best ways to guide their experience is to talk about it! When you do, keep it in concrete terms. There are lots of books about being the same and different which can be an excellent tool to start the dialogue just through story time. In an event situation such as the one we are in right now Conversations with Common Sense had several points for us to consider:
Find out what they know already before you begin a conversation.
Begin with small foundational conversations and come back to them later.
This is not a one off conversation and evolves over time.
Think about what you want to teach your children before your conversation.
Do you want to emphasize fairness, kindness, compassion, good work ethic?
Whatever you want to teach, MODEL IT!
Unfortunately the world is not an even playing field at times. poverty, immigration status, racism and homelessness have long term effects on the mental health and well-being of children. All children should have the opportunity to thrive and grow. Some key takeaways from the talk:
Health equity is necessary for the opportunity of every child to reach full health and potential.
Equity is needed in all areas: food, clothing, housing, healthcare, housing, technology, healthcare.
Talk about it! Highlight how inequitable our society is.
Take a walk around a less affluent neighborhood. Talk about it!
How do we share and process our feelings without overwhelming our children?
Check-in with yourself first. Daily! Children sense your stress and anxiety.
Talk and teach children how to manage their feelings. “Momma is having a really hard day.” By modeling this behavior we help children find words and name their feelings.
Help them learn to recognize the feelings by asking probing questions such as “Where does that feeling live in your body?”
Listen DEEPLY to your children.
Talk about how to be anti-racist, to stand up and say something
Be very aware of how much children are picking up from media and/or adult conversations. Too much can have long term negative health effects.
Limit direct exposure to young children, harness it. Let them know they are safe and you are there to talk about it: “What did you see? Let me explain. You are safe at this moment.”
Use Books and Other Tools to Help Your Talks
There is a reason why these past few weeks we have seen so many parents sharing links to book lists (we even have some below!). Multicultural books for young children are a wonderful resource to begin these conversations. Children need to see themselves in the books. Books act as both a mirror for yourself and a window through which to view others. Good multicultural books expose children to differences in equity in an age appropriate way.
There are other ways to connect to, some children may be more hands on or tactile. We can use all the senses to have the conversation. Play in a different playground that is more diverse! Join music or art groups that are diverse too. You can even encourage your child to draw at home what he or she is feeling, some children can more deeply express themselves through drawing or pictures than with words. Listen to songs that help to reflect these values and endorse acceptance. Songs that we sing at school such as The World is a Rainbow are wonderful ways to reinforce acceptance and tolerance in a fun and positive way.
Above all, don’t shy away from talking about it. Have conversations. Be the filter through which your children process the information they receive. Don’t stop there, keep checking-in as this is an ongoing conversation. Lean into these conversations, they don’t have to be perfect!!! Please know you are not alone, there are plenty of other parents out there, even within our own community, who are experiencing this with you. Our teachers and staff are here for you should you have any questions.
The Marin County Office of Education has passed along some fantastic resources (see below) as well as many other sources. We encourage you to look at them carefully to add to your toolbox.
There was also an online event this past Saturday, June 6th. Sesame Street hosted a Town Hall in partnership with CNN called Coming Together: Standing Up to Racism for kids and families. You can watch the entire event here: https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/06/app-news-section/cnn-sesame-street-race-town-hall-app-june-6-2020-app/index.html
Links to Helpful Additional Resources:
10 Children's Books About Racism And Activism To Help Parents Educate Their Kids
31 Children's books to support conversations on race, racism and resistance
Message from MCOE June 2020
And for those of you who may not have seen the following message from Mary Jane Burke, MCOE, we have included it below, sent June 1, 2020.
Dear Marin County Community,
For the past two months, our county has come together to focus on health and safety related issues to pandemic guidelines and interventions. However, the troubling events of recent days also demand our attention and thoughtful response as a community. We each have a role to play to combat the tragedies that have unfolded in Minnesota and Georgia. This is a call to action to educate friends, neighbors, colleagues and children, to voice our outrage regarding injustice, and to demand respect for every human being regardless of race, ethnicity, and economic status.
Through the ongoing collaboration of law enforcement, schools and community agencies through the School and Law Enforcement Partnership, we jointly take the lead in publicly denouncing the actions of the police officer and resulting death of George Floyd. As demonstrated time and again in Marin County, our law enforcement officers have standards that require a higher level of integrity, fairness, compassion, and a duty to intervene should an injustice be witnessed. This stance is expressed in the May 29 article in the Marin IJ, “Marin Chiefs appalled at how officer used force."
Teachers, support staff, administrators, and law enforcement officers participate in ongoing cultural competency trainings to identify and understand the structures that support racial profiling and to hold ourselves to a higher standard through anti-bias training in order to promote respectful, inclusive, and equitable practices. Thousands of individuals in Marin County have been trained to know how to recognize bias in themselves and in others, and to know how to work toward eliminating bias with their voices. It is time for us to use the tools we have learned to take action.
Now is the time that we all should join together to do our part. Peaceful protests showing solidarity in our commitment to “be the change” are critical. There is no room for violent and destructive behavior that is occurring across the United States.
The first step we can take is to educate and raise our voices on behalf of our children. As adults, we are horrified to see the violent and unnecessary media footage. Can you image how the children are feeling? It is our job to model what a unified America must embody and teach our children to embrace the task of making equity a human right.
How can you make a difference to curtail racism and injustice?
Talk to your children with compassion about the pent-up frustration of the protesters so they know and understand the actions they are witnessing are a direct result of historical injustices.
Read books together as a family to support conversations on race, racism, and resistance.
Speak up when you are witness to an injustice or some form of racism. Silence only serves to support and promote deplorable acts.
Volunteering in diverse settings can help build a cultural competency and build a more inclusive society. Consider local opportunities that can build relationships and support people in need.
Educate yourself through the eyes of those most impacted:
Black parents describe “The Talk” they give to their children about police
Black Parents Know about “The Talk” – White Parents, It’s Your Turn
A Conversation on Race - A series of short films about identity in America
Please continue this conversation and take action. Contact the Marin County Office of Education (Marin COE) with your questions, recommendations, and actions for our community. Mary Jane Burke superintendentsoffice@marinschools.org or on Twitter @burkemaryjane. Get these and more resources by following the Marin COE on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/marincoe.